Self-care is important. I advocate for it. I try to take care of myself. But I think sometimes we prioritize it incorrectly and assume that we can reach a level of self-care on our own.
Sometimes we are called to sacrifice. I sacrifice evenings on the couch, watching television for a night behind a computer screen, building a future. I sacrifice nights out for nights in with my child or nights in cooking and cleaning. This doesn't mean it's wrong for you to choose the opposite. I don't look down on that at all, but I think it's time to stop looking down on those who choose a season of minimum "self-care". I used to moan and complain when I didn't get a few nights a week to relax. Now, that's rare for me to relax at all and I'm complaining a lot less. I just realized that tonight I've spent all day pouring out into someone else. My entire day was centered around work, cleaning, my son, planning breakfasts, lunches and dinners and I'm not even drained. A year ago, my mindset then would have left me drained very quickly. Now, I know this is the season I asked for. I prayed for this. I prayed for the work. I just listened to a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick about answered prayers and it made me go "WHOA." He talked about how we often pray for a certain season or gift and then once we get to that season, we are praying for a problem that came with that season. When he said that, I realized I've been praying for a break, which is the opposite of what I was praying for in March when I was praying for this huge breakthrough! Breakthroughs are WORK. They aren't easy. This season that I'm in will not last forever. So many of my blog posts reflect the same recurring theme of this busy season but I know that so many of us are in this right now. And we will get through this together. But let me tell you friend, seasons are meant to build you. They are not meant to last forever. There are moments when I am so CLOSE to just giving up because this is hard work! But it would be so devastating to me and to God if I gave up now. I can't see the timeline. I can't see if I'm at the beginning or if I'm at the end of this, so for me it is very frustrating but for God, He has made it very clear to me that I am to keep working at this. Keep working. I used to advocate for this "hustle everyday" mentality but now, I view that word as a bit harsh. Now, it seems as if I'm insinuating that your hard work will be the reason you are rewarded, when in reality that is only partly true. My hard work will pay off because God paved this path for me. He made the connections for me. He stirred my heart towards this. He gave me a family that would make me put this plan in motion sooner than I would have. This is all glory to God. My strength doesn't come from within me. My strength comes from God. He is the one who called me into this season. It is hard, it is a lot of work but it is also full of laughter, home cooked meals and a happy little guy who is no longer sick every two weeks. Self-care for you may look different than self-care for me and that's okay. Right now, I don't see a lot of manicures, pedicures and hair appointments. I don't see a lot of dinners with friends and relaxing on my nice little patio. What gets me through is the "one day this will pay off". This post was not meant to criticize in anyway or insinuate that if you are making self-care appointments instead of working overtime in the evenings that you are somehow less deserving, that's not what I mean at all. This post is to encourage those who aren't getting a lot of that. It's okay. Our generation advocates strongly for self-care and I honestly love that but if you are in a season where you cannot, realize that your strength comes from a God who is so powerful and sees the entire timeline of your success. Your strength comes from Him. Whether you are going through the motions of what our society views as self-care or not, your cup is filled by Him. I do encourage you to take even 15 minutes a day to just reflect on your day and think of the good things that happened that day. I've been doing that even on days where I'm working from sun up to sun down and it has helped me tremendously. This has probably been the only difference when I compare my busy seasons. It's led me to less complaining and a lot more thanksgiving. I am actually editing this post to include that your health is VERY important. If you are experiencing burn out, your health is declining, or you truly cannot take the stress anymore, reach out for your resources and take a break. Your health is very important! Take note of the signs of a burn out. Know that it's okay to take breaks; taking breaks helps to prevent giving up completely. Love you, friends! Life is meant to be experienced to the FULL. So, if your life right now is chaotic and busy, push through it. Work hard. Get your strength from the ultimate source. We'll make it through together.
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It seems like every "parenting" page talks about mom guilt. I can't speak of dad guilt since I'm not a dad but I do know that exists too and since I want to make my page a place where everyone feels welcome and validated, I would like to also say that you are also dad enough. Dads are often left out of the equation of insecurity in parenting. I do not want to exclude anyone at all.
The other day, I was sitting, trying to work, Jackson was crying and I was overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn't guilt from raising my voice or anything. It was a different kind of guilt. He got RSV last December so anytime he catches a cold, he's just a little more prone to catch RSV again since it's sitting in his lungs for a couple of years. His runny nose turned to a cough and that cough turned to RSV very quickly. Watching your child struggle to breathe is so sad and terrible. My initial reaction to him being sick was guilt. I know he caught a cold from a child at the gym's childcare. I saw a child screaming with a runny nose and thought nothing of it. I saw Jackson chewing on a toy at the childcare and thought nothing of it. But because he has this terrible virus in his lungs for two years, he just so happened to catch it. I felt guilty for going to the gym, for putting him in childcare with other children who were clearly sick. I felt guilty for not paying more attention to the fact that there was a sick child. I felt guilty because I thought it insinuated that I'm not a good enough mother to watch out for these things. I haven't slept much this week. I've prioritized my family, my work, trying to come up with a business plan, writing, etc. I have so much going on that I want to prioritize and I should have prioritized my talks with Jesus because I most definitely wouldn't have struggled as much as I did with the self-guilt. Jack has been very grouchy lately and rightfully so. He's a baby. He's growing, he's sick, he's teething. It's hard being a baby! It really is. And I'm usually not frustrated when he cries but when it's been all day and you're inside for a week to quarantine him, it does make your mind spin a little. So, I raised my voice just a little bit. I wrote a post here about the first time I raised my voice and how guilty I felt. Since I rarely ever raise my voice, Jackson looked at me with a "What???" expression before continuing on in his little scream. For some reason, I have this idea that the mistakes I make like that are going to scar him for the rest of his life. I am intentionally seeking and pursuing a healthy pattern for my family. In order to stop generational mistakes, sometimes you have to do things like stay up late to reflect on what you need to work on. Sometimes sacrificing for my family looks like me leaving for a couple of hours so that I can just get away and get into a safe headspace. I texted my mom because I felt so guilty about raising my voice. I told her that I finally realized I'm wasting all of this guilt and worry, thinking that all of my mistakes are hurting my son for life, when I forget that I have been through the worst of it and I'm here, still singing God's mercy and redemption. Yes, my story could have been written a lot worse. I could have chosen a different route but the fact is that I was able to still turn out okay. And I'm not comparing my parenting to my parent's, but if I turned out okay under such terrible circumstances, how much stronger will Jackson turn out with parents who lean on God for strength and who live in redemption? This is not done in my strength, but His. In His strength, I'm here after years of abuse of every kind. In His strength, I'm mentally strong and emotionally healed. I have a relationship with my birth mother and my son has a relationship with her as well. She's so strong and such a hard worker. As parents, we will never ever be perfect. We will always make mistakes. I've had several parents in my lifetime and for every one of them, I set a high standard of perfection on them like most kids do. Now that I'm a parent, I know how hard it is, I know how impossible it is to do this without Jesus. It just makes it so much easier to forgive and let go. My mom sent me a text as I was questioning my own mom guilt. "Jackson was born loving you and bonded to you and that is a sweet blessing. And you love him unconditionally." This is something I may have to say to myself every morning and every night. I love my little family oh so much. I love that I get to wake up next to my best friend. I love that I get to wake Jackson up. I love that I'm married to a man that allowed me to quit my job to support my dream and at the same time in doing so, giving me the opportunity to spend more time with my son and him. Our life is truly so blessed. I am mom enough. You are mom enough. You are dad enough. You may lose your temper, you may grow impatient at times. It's important to know your limit and when you're getting close to your limit, grant yourself grace. Maybe you yelled at the kids but apologizing to them and letting them see that you make mistakes too is so important. Remind them that God is their only perfect parent and that we have to go to Him for forgiveness too. How sweet it is to know my child loves me. I never want to take that for granted. |
About this page:Here I want to share daily adventures with my little one, tips and tricks I'm learning along the way, and how I stay afloat while managing my businesses from home. Archives
August 2019
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