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I say a lot of stupid things. Sometimes I'm very selfish when I'm tired or overworked. I obsess over how terribly unkind I seemed. This week, I've been thinking about the verse in Luke 6:31 where Jesus commands us to "Do to others as you would have them do to you." When we think of this Golden Rule, we often use it as an excuse to point the finger at others. I know in the past, when someone has been unkind or uninviting to me, I choose to do the same. After all, if that's how they've treated me, isn't it an indication of how they want me to treat them? How ridiculous does that sound when you see it written but how often do you do the same? How often do you live in bitterness and unforgiveness because of a similar mindset? Love Like Jesus One of my wise friends told me that I should strive to love no matter how I feel towards the person because Jesus loves us despite everything we do to Him. He's always there, always offering a hand, blessings, love, etc. even though we do not deserve it. I'm trying to get better at this, showing up even when others have not shown up for me; being kind when they have been unkind to me. I cannot control their actions but I can control my actions, how I love and treat them. I want to always show love no matter what. I want to always be there even if they aren't there for me. In the past, I viewed this as "draining" but when my cup is being filled by Jesus, I have an overflowing supply of love to give. He is love and He is my strength. Give Others Grace to Grow
It's so easy to bash those who weren't there for you. It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself when people weren't there for you during your worst moment. I hear so many people say (and I've most definitely said it myself) that those who weren't there at our lowest have no place to be there when we are promoted. I disagree with that now. I think that we should give everyone permission to grow spiritually and emotionally. Who they were when you were at your lowest may not have had the ability to love you and guide you through that hard time. It's no excuse for them but a further understanding. Don't allow it to make you bitter. I have so many stories that I could tell of people not understanding me, not supporting me, not helping me up when I was very low. I felt like it was just me against the world many moments. I didn't have people calling to check up on me. I didn't have anyone with me for a lot of life changing moments. I didn't get to experience the joy of a lot of amazing moments because I was experiencing these moments alone. And I'll admit, it's very hard for me to brush it off when people go through the same and I'm expected to be happy and celebrate them. It's very hard. But I'm choosing my hard. I would rather fight through my feelings of betrayal and choose to love despite it all or I can choose to sit in that feeling and never get over it. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I myself say some crazy and embarrassing things. I want to be forgiven for the times I have been unkind, the times I talked more about myself instead of asking "and how are you?" I want to be seen for who I am instead of defined by my past. So, I'm choosing everyday to try and do the same for others. I read something on social media the other day that didn't seem to sit right with me. It was suggested that once you become a believer, you no longer experience anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness struggle. This incorrect belief can cause so many lost and hurting souls to turn from Christianity. Becoming a Christian is not a magical solution for every problem you will experience this side of Heaven. Becoming a Christian is realizing that we have a Helper this side of Heaven. I've struggled with so many emotional issues my entire life. It does run in my family to struggle with mental illness. Becoming a Christian did not eliminate my anxiety. It did not eliminate my depression. It did not eliminate my OCD tendencies. However, becoming a Christian has helped me to conquer each situation where these feelings arise. If you're a new Christian (or even a seasoned one), rest assured that experiencing these emotions does not make you any less Christian. Here are things that help me anytime I'm going through one of many emotional distresses.
Because I struggle with several issues, my depression often is a result of having a chaotic outer life. If I clean, make time for my hobbies, and get in the gym, my depression usually loosens its grip. Experiment and see what helps loosen the grip for you. Maybe it's writing, reading, getting outside, etc. Find something joyful and remember that life isn't meant to be lived in defeat. Being a Christian does not mean you will no longer experience these emotions. If anything, you'll be attacked harder because the enemy wants you to lose faith. Keep holding on. Fight harder. It doesn't become easier but you will get stronger. For most of my life, I’ve considered myself a multi-tasker and took pride in this. I have a Type A personality so I like to get as much as I can done in a day as I can. Thus, multi-tasking comes in handy. However, it’s extremely stressful over an extended amount of time. I found that a lot of my work wasn’t quality work. I was able to get a lot done, but none of it was amazing work like I envisioned. I’m relatively intelligent and I have a built-in entrepreneur mind, so I set out on a quest to figure out what my deal was. Our society stresses over the idea of multi-tasking. With our advanced technology, we allow our minds to be distracted by our cell phones, office phones, personal and work emails, and work demands. ALL AT ONE TIME. How and why do we do this? I’m guilty of responding to every demand from all of my lines as soon as I can, distracting me from a single goal I was working on. In my former career path, I got so frustrated with myself because I have this constant need to multi-task and answer everyone’s “urgent” needs right then and there. I recently read and re-read this fantastic article on Forbes.com. Why Single-Tasking Makes You Smarter not only encouraged me to focus on one thing at a time but also that there is chance for adaptability to this notion of single-tasking. We have been met with the notion that we have not reached 100% of our mental capacities. I challenge this notion with the idea that single-tasking could possibly change this. What sort of changes can we make in our lives– whether this be personal, business, family, etc.? How would our businesses be changed if we were able to focus entirely on one subject/task/problem at at time? Would our problem-solving skills increase? Would our customer service fail or improve? Would our family life be more satisfying? How to Single TaskForbes mentioned ways to improve and adapt to this notion of single-tasking. I’ll paraphrase and include my own thoughts.
1.) Give your brain some down time. I have always been huge on breaks, for myself and for employees. When I helped lead the service department in a grocery store, I always tried my very hardest to get every service partner on their breaks on time. I found that they were able to work with a more positive attitude and more effectively. Because I knew the importance of breaks for myself, I also tried to make it a priority for myself to get them on their own breaks on time. My mentality was that there would always be a line of customers but if my partners do not feel as if they are a priority, customer service would fail. Take care of yourself, your employees, and business will follow. Step away from your work for a few minutes. Yes, most Americans spend most of their week at work, but we were created for relationship. Don’t allow your brain to be entirely created for business and business alone. Take care of yourself. When you’re able to take care of yourself and pour back into yourself, you can pour out more ideas a lot quicker than if you do not. 2.) Focus without distraction. I used to practice this one quite a bit. I would set a timer where I focus solely on one thing before giving myself a break. (Lately, I've been slacking in this area since I work from home and now have a son to watch.) I found that I was incredibly more productive when I focused for interval sets of time. It gives me short goals to aim for while putting in quality work. It's also not as overwhelming to say "I'm going to work for 15 minutes" as opposed to "I have to work 8 hours today." If you break it up into chunks of time, it becomes easier to achieve and not as challenging. 3.) Make a to-do list. I love to-do lists! Seriously, I have been making them since I was a teenager with 0 responsibility. I have a daily to-do list and a weekly to-do list. On my daily, I rank my tasks in levels of importance and which I would like to get done first. Since I’m more productive before lunch, I do the more draining tasks first, the tasks that I know I would just procrastinate with after lunch. For my weekly goals, I try to put in a little work at the end of the day when my energy is draining because I know I have a week to perfect the goal. Single-tasking is still something I'm trying incredibly hard to work on because I know the rewards for myself will be worth it. Jobs require that we have the ability to multi-task and it is almost impossible to get by in this business world without the talent, but I highly encourage you to make this top priority if you’re seeking quality over quantity.
Here are a few ways to help change your perspective on your Mondays:
There are too many Mondays in life to dread every single one. I don't know about you, but part of living an abundant life is trying to enjoy every part of it, even the days that I used to hate. Mondays symbolize new beginnings. We love the start of a New Year but we hate Mondays. Why is that?! Change your perspective and I promise it will change your life! I started viewing Mondays the same way that I view a New Year and it changed my life for the better. It made me feel happier, more energetic, and it helped me to accomplish my goals to get to where I am now. You can do it too. Are you a controlling person? If you answered yes, you get points for honesty. If you answered no, stick with me throughout this post while I explain that you may actually be more controlling than you think. I didn't think I was a controlling person until I realized this. And realizing where my issue was has helped me tremendously in my relationships. When someone hurts me, my immediate reaction is to either tell them why they're wrong and why they should change, how they hurt me and how it makes me feel unloved. "What are they thinking? Are they criticizing me? Are they judging me? Do they love me less? How do they view me?" These thoughts obsessively control my mind as I try to self-guide my way through these emotions of feeling betrayed, unloved, forgotten. Healthier RelationshipsHere are ways that I've gotten through this, matured in my own healing, and have established healthier relationships:
A More Joyful LifeIt's not easy to establish these habits but I promise once you do, life becomes so much more joyful. I'm still in the learning process of all of these steps (and maybe I will always be) but it's becoming easier and easier to subconsciously and consciously choose to focus on myself, my reactions instead of someone else's reactions, and how I can change instead. We cannot control someone else's journey. All we can do is focus on our own perceptions.
Here's a great article to read if you'd like to read further on this subject. This has played such a major role in living life abundantly. |