"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castenada
I have this quote as my signature on my email. I usually don't think much of it but today I did. There are so many alternative routes in life. We can choose to grow. We can choose to settle. We can choose between several educational or career paths. Or we can choose none of them at all. When I was in college, I worked a lot. I turned down so many invitations because I knew I was developing myself. While I may not have needed the money as much as it's necessary now with a family, I knew that developing a strong work ethic then would help me to develop as a person and it would help me further down the road when I had to learn to make more sacrifices. When I quit my job in March, I knew that my path before me would be difficult and it definitely is but it's a different kind of hard. I was miserable in my job. I loved the mission, I loved the people but I was miserable because I knew it wasn't my calling. Taking that huge leap of faith has developed me into a different person, a more present wife and mother. No part of me has ever doubted quitting. I know it was for the best. Both decisions would lead to difficult paths but one eventually leads to more freedom. Freedom from generational mistakes, freedom from a heap of stress and guilt, and hopefully one day a huge blessing of financial freedom so that we can bless others. We all have a decision to make. We can choose to struggle and crawl down the current path we are on that may lead to nowhere. It may be a little easier than this path that is offered to you as an alternative road but the reward at the end of this destination is so much greater. The journey is so much more fulfilling. I don't know about you, but I would rather walk a harder road that is more fulfilling than a road that is a little easier but a road that wasn't meant for me to walk on. In the same way, we can either choose to approach our personal issues head on and struggle temporarily as we get to the root of our issues or we can struggle for a lifetime with walls and damaged roots. This is something I've been challenging myself with lately. I struggle with communication but a moment of vulnerability is worth it in the end compared to a lifetime of emotional suffering. Whatever decision you're trying to make in your life right now, know that we are meant to live an abundant life. Which path will lead to you living a more fulfilled life? Even if that path leads to temporary discomfort, allow yourself to make that decision so that you can grow. You may have to rip out old roots to build stronger roots, roots that will hold up for generations after you. To sacrifice for your family means to sacrifice the easier route. I will happily choose the harder route if it means an easier life for my family in the future. Today, I choose to make myself strong.
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Acknowledging a different perspective is so important.
When we are younger, it's hard to see any other perspective except our own. Our world revolves around us and we assume everyone else's does too. I think that a lot of those hurts from unmet expectations carry in to our adult lives. When we aren't loved the way we wanted to be loved when we were children, it's hard to receive and give love the way we were meant to. When we are children, we see the world through such different lenses. Everything we do is so new and exciting and we assume it's new and exciting to other's watching us do it. When we aren't met with the same excitement, the crush to a young spirit is traumatizing and can even last well into adulthood. Not feeling unique, not feeling talented, not feeling wanted and loved are huge issues in and of themselves. Sometimes when I lose my temper or I raise my voice just a little bit, I receive a flashback of a younger version of me being yelled at. It instantly triggers me. I feel like a terrible person. I feel the same fear that I'm going to be the same parent, that I'll just continue with this generational line of belittling. I did that tonight and I'm just now realizing that it's what triggered my silence. Becoming self-aware is a long, difficult process. It may take me longer sometimes to realize what triggers me but I do eventually get there. Today it took me about 5 hours to realize what happened and to tell myself I'm not them, I have God's DNA, I am a new creation. I rose my voice a little bit because I was frustrated. I've had a long day. I still had work to do. My apartment is a mess. I had to cook dinner. When my environment is out of control, I feel out of control. And I don't have a very loud voice so my idea of yelling isn't very loud but it was still enough to make me feel like I'm still in a cycle of generational bad decisions. But what I realized after I rose my voice was that yeah, I made a mistake. I should have taken a moment to just stop. My mental health matters because it impacts others. But the lesson in the mistake is also bigger than my mistake. It's really difficult for me not to forgive those who didn't love me the way I needed to be loved when I was a child. They didn't have the perspective I have now. They didn't have the life lessons, the wisdom poured into me by leaders. They didn't have the resources. When they had one too many, they weren't able to reach down into self-reflection and realize that they needed to stop drinking because their anger was reaching its limit. I honestly believe they just didn't know. That's what was normal to them. Because I have been given the opportunity to self-reflect, to learn, to grow, I'm able to see that they loved me just as they knew how, just as I'm loving my family as I know how. And I pray that my love grows as my knowledge and perspective grows. I never want to stop learning because I never want to stop growing in love. They are so important to me. They mean everything to me. My perspective can be so limiting sometimes. I'm limited to what I see through my own eyes of experience just as everyone else perceives my actions through the eyes of what they have experienced. A baby cries because they have no other form of communication. Some people react in anger instead of calm words because they don't know how else to express themselves. But babies learn to talk, they learn to communicate. Just as we may learn to grow in our levels of communication, how we communicate our feelings and our love. Life is a journey. We will never ever be perfect on this side of heaven. But man, isn't it interesting to see how much we can grow? I never want to stop growing, learning, and loving. I want to always be on the search for something that will make me better, help me love more. What about you? Are you willing to change your perspective on the world in order to love deeper, to live more abundantly? Yesterday I had to go to the grocery store. Somedays I like the little pause a grocery store stop gives me. Somedays, like yesterday, I'm frustrated. I usually go after my work out so I look a hot mess. Yesterday was no exception. The drive from my gym to the store is a minute, if that. So sometimes, I get so frustrated with having to put Jackson into his carseat just to take him right back out. He hates it. I hate it. We're all crying, okay. As I was waiting for a parking spot by the produce side of the store, I almost got too impatient waiting for a truck to leave. He was very close to the door. For any mama with an antsy child, a spot close to the door that is ALSO close to a basket corral is a gift sent from God Himself. The guy was about to leave but I wanted to get my grocery trip over with. But he was taking just one minute too long. Right in that moment, I felt God nudge my heart. I had to take a look inside and realize that just as I was getting too impatient to wait for this perfect parking spot that only required a minute more of waiting, I often get tired and impatient waiting for my calling to come to pass, for my purpose to rise to the surface. I get impatient when I know that I have been working for years on something only for someone who just began the process to rise up and be blessed before I am. We've all been there. The thing is, I didn't know what that man in the truck was doing. That extra minute was probably spent making sure everyone was buckled. The extra time God spends preparing me could be because He's wanting me to bless more people than I have the heart to at this moment in my life. King Saul Pastor Mike Todd has a series right now that I'm watching called Marked. I love it. I've learned so much from it. He's discussed some great topics. One of them being the fact that Saul HIMSELF was marked by God. I often forget that. We view Saul as a thorn in David's side and nothing else but do we forget that Saul was ordained for a reason? God anointed Saul. Saul had an anointing just like David did! It was SAUL who disqualified himself. He got insecure but he was also arrogant. Here's a great article if you would like to look more into where Saul went wrong. Disqualification and Requalification Often, we are disqualifying ourselves. Our own view of ourselves often rewrites our story. Instead of listening to who God says we are, instead of humbling ourselves, we give in to this personal view of ourselves that is not always accurate. God honors obedience. I think that love and obedience are at the root of most issues. When we love, we want to be obedient. When we are obedient, we are willing to be patient as we wait. There is still hope when you have been disobedient. Have you strayed from your own calling because you were tired of waiting? There is still hope. Repentance offers re-qualification (something Pastor Mike Todd preaches). When we've stepped out of our calling, God may have called someone into your calling because the revival He wants to happen is going to take place with or without us, quite honestly. It's easy to read this and get disappointed in ourselves and to lose hope. But there is still grace. There is still a place to be re-qualified. Comparing your calling to someone else's will cause you to miss the blessing God has for you. God blesses us so we can be a blessing to others. The work that God is doing in our hearts is preparation so that He can use us to touch many hearts. Comparing yourself will get you nowhere and it is unkind. We have no idea what that person has been through, what God has brought them through, the lessons God has taught them and is continuing to teach them. It is not our place to compare when we only have a surface knowledge of their life and ministry. Who Am I Truly Living For?
At the end of the day, it causes me to ask myself if I'm truly living for God or for people? Am I living for the likes on social media? For the praise of others? If my honest answer is no then it shouldn't be an issue with how long I have to wait for my blessing. There is LIFE in the waiting. You don't have to view the waiting season as a pause in life. Your waiting season can be full of blessings too. Waiting for the truck to leave the parking spot yesterday was a blessing in disguise too. It caused me to stop and realize that life doesn't have to spent in a rush. Life is meant to be lived, not rushed. Don't rush your blessing. |