Hey, friends!
It's been a while since I've gotten the chance to write and my soul has definitely felt the deprivation. Our son was hospitalized with a virus. Doctors were concerned with his oxygen levels. Everything sort of took a back seat and I have been focusing on getting him better. Ever since he got RSV last winter, he's been struggling often so I've been trying to get his immune system stronger. This has definitely taught me so much about priorities. So many friends and family showed up for him and it touched my heart and showed me the importance of being willing to drop everything I'm doing to show up for others. I am a typical Type A. When I have a set schedule, I stress out and freak out when it gets interrupted. I often plan my entire week with little wiggle room. I have high expectations for myself and I often fall short of my own expectations. What I realized and what I continue to write about always is that relationships are what makes life so much more enjoyable. It isn't what I accomplish. It isn't the success I can write on my walls and boast on my own. It is so easy to prioritize success over relationships but this road to success is rough. It's difficult. And if I don't have anyone to share in the outcome, is it really worth it? It's so easy to say you don't need anyone to get to where you want to be. While you may be able to get to where you want from your own hard work (and blessing upon blessing), once you're there, who do you celebrate with? I told my husband that while I used to have this huge aspiration to pour into hundreds and millions of people, right now I feel called to pour all of me into my little family. That requires some sacrifices, yes. But the relationships that are being built right now will not and cannot be replaced by any amount of money or success that I may have achieved. I often get asked how I was able to maintain a healthy relationship with family before moving into this big season of my life. I've written on this before so I'll just say again that finding out I was pregnant was one of the most difficult things and I've been through quite a bit. Things were said to me, about me. My faith was questioned. It was a true test. But I learned that at the end of the day, people are people. We say hurtful things because we have such high expectations for those we love. They will have to deal with the hurtful things they said but as for me, I choose to move along. We can either choose to maintain a relationship or cut ties. I rarely choose to cut ties unless the person is absolutely toxic. I don't have many people on this list. The only time I choose to disconnect with someone is when they have proven extremely toxic or have potential to be harmful to my family. At the end of this life, I want to be able to say I gave it my all. I want to pour into relationships and experience abundance of grace and love, of life and joy. I cannot change someone but I can show grace to those who need it. Whether they show up for me or not, I want to show up for them. After all, I have had so many friends and family show up for me when I am the least loving to them. If you want to get the most out of life, you're going to have to give the most of yourself. xoxo
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